You can't write a novel in an afternoon!

I've told myself that a few dozen times over the past year, and yet I still want to believe it. You can read a novel in an afternoon--either a short novel or a long afternoon, but writing takes time. It takes sweat and tears and a whole lot of effort. I used to joke that GoodReads, the website where everyone and their dog can review a book and give their two bits should really be called, "Disgruntled English Majors." I seems everyone who doesn't write has fairly strong opinions about those who do, especially those who write something that gets published. I guess I cant really claim to have gotten anything published since I self-published, but the difficulties in writing can be no less real, regardless of how the book comes to be.

I was excited to get back to writing as soon as the Mother's Day Open House was over. We had nearly a thousand people go through out home over the weekend and I was bushed after that. My kiln had some problems during the final firing before the open house which resulted in part of the door melting and leaving it very difficult to open. I spent a day and a half making the necessary repairs and then dedicated the rest of the week to writing.  Or so I thought. Writing, at least for me requires several consecutive hours of relative silence. Sometimes that is difficult to find. Okay, so maybe that is always difficult to find. I realized I am out of practice and the magic doesn't always happen exactly when I want or need it to happen. I made some progress, but it was slow. It is a little better this week, but if I am not distracted by people dropping by or phone calls, I am distracted by the fact that I have an art festival coming up in a month and I need to replenish my supply of pots. I am behind on orders, too. And I don't care that I'm behind on orders which is both liberating and disappointing. I am distracted--maybe that is the best way to put it. Distracted, feeling like I have returned to my nets after knowing I am supposed to be doing something else. Faith is tough, at least for me, and patience is even harder.

That being said, I am more excited about this story than I have ever been. I know all writers draw on their personal experiences, but I am a little surprised by how autobiographical this book is becoming. Some of it involves dark pieces of history from my younger years and family drama that is still going on. It has made me pensive and moody and somedays has made me want to avoid delving deeper. And yet I know I need to plow on. I feel strongly that this book will help others, offer hope and grace and love, and give people courage to plow forward. I am still hoping to have the book ready for Christmas, but if I don't make some substantial progress in the next few months, I will have to postpone it again.  I hate to do that.

I am not sure why other people write, but I will tell you honestly that I write because I have to--because the voices won't leave me alone--because the story haunts me until I let it out. It is never easy. It seems to always be expensive, and it takes way longer than I think it should.

So, I am off to write. I fed my fears by making pots this morning. Now I can feed my faith, by writing.

Mother's Day Open House This Weekend

It's hard to believe I haven't been here to update the blog in over a month. I should have done this sooner and I am sorry if you missed it because of my lack of communication, but tomorrow begins my

Mother's Day Studio Open House and Home Tour

May 10-12

10am-5pm each day

1150 East 800 South

Salt Lake City, Utah

We have been busy getting the house ready and I have been crazy busy making pots. I just finished my fifth firing of the week and I am bushed. Because of the requests, we are opening our home again for a tour. We refinished our home last year, moving back in just before the holidays. Projects have continued since then and will continue after this open house too. Come and see the 500 square feet of handmade tile scattered throughout our home and take a piece of pottery home for the mom in your life. I will also have the books available and a lot of forget-me-not ware. I hope to see you soon.

Virtual Home Tour

Ben Behunin, Potter / Author, The House That Built Me

A friend of mine came over the other day to film the house and I thought I would pass it on to all of you who aren't in the area. For those of you who are in the Salt Lake City area, we will be having another studio sale/ home tour on May 10, 11, 12. Put it on your calendar. More info will follow soon, but I thought this might be of some interest. Cheers, Ben

Check out the City Weekly Article

http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/article-414-15573-the-house-that-built-me-page-1.html

I don't know what to say...

...so I may ramble a bit for a while until I figure it out. The writing was going very well there for about a week and then I realized how far behind I was in my preparations for Art and Soup, which takes place next week at the Sheridan down town. I also have a one man show opening at the Loge Gallery at the Pioneer Memorial Theater on the U of U campus starting at the end of the month. I am running far behind for everything, so needless to say, the book will not be done in time for Mother's Day this year, but I believe I can complete it by this fall.

That makes me sad to admit that. In some ways, I feel like I have failed, not in any personal goal sense, but in that I know this book will have some power to help lift and inspire, and those that may need it now will have to wait. I don't like that.

I received a phone call this morning from a woman who asked me to come and speak to a youth group in June. I speak to youth groups regularly. She felt like my message might offer hope to the youth of her community who have seen two of their peers end their lives with suicide in the past two weeks. I am saddened by that. I am saddened to think what might cause a young person to put such a permanent end to a likely temporary problem. This woman was the third person in as many days who has spoken to me about loved ones who have recently committed suicide. What a tragic way to deal with the trials of life. I believe the lessons of this book will help those who struggle with such challenges and I know I have to write it, I know I have to push on. I know that sometimes all we need is glimmer of hope to turn our lives around and face the sun.

Three women stopped by today to purchase a gift for a mutual friend of theirs whose twenty-two year old son recently ended his life. They were looking for a journey jar and found one, but when I showed them some of my latest work for the Loge Gallery show, they fell in love with a beautiful bowl and had to take that too. There is a bright sun in the middle and then written around the sun, it says, "Let us pause in Life's trials to stop and face the sun which is always shining for those with open eyes--look, search, discover.

Years ago, while traveling in an airplane, I was struck with the truth that above the clouds, the sun is always shining, and that if we will open our eyes and rise above the clouds, life is always bright and exciting. Depression is a powerful force that seems to use fear to hold us down and suffocate us. I am reminded of one of my favorite scriptures, 2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of Fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." Fear has no place in the things of God. If we could all turn to love and embrace it and spread it around, I am convinced our world would be a gentler place and fear and the darkness surrounding it would lose its power. So, maybe that what this post is all about, that I needed to remind myself to embrace that which is good and true and light, and let the rest fall by the wayside.

Press on.

PS, Save the date for the Mother's Day open house/ home tour May 10-12 10 am-5pm each day, here at the studio.

Another Day, Another Funeral

So, this was a good week on the writing front. I set aside more time to get through some of the hard things to write and I feel like I made some progress. It is so hard to spend hours on one paragraph and then end up scrapping it because it doesn't end up working for where it is supposed to go. There have been many times in the past months that I feel like I am wasting time, spinning my wheels and not making any progress, but I feel like I have been given this story and though it would be far easier to give up and just make pottery, I know I am not supposed to. I know I couldn't be happy if I did.

I had a couple of random visitors this week who just dropped by while I was writing. I feel like the universe sent them to help me realize I need to write this book, that people need it. It was a humbling experience to see that the very thing we were talking about was the thing I had been writing about. I am convinced that we are all connected. We are all trying the best we can to make it through this life, bumping along the road, trying to make sense of it all. I am glad to be a writer and in the coming weeks, hope to make much more progress. Thanks for your encouraging words. They keep me going when I don't feel like it. They give me perspective. Thank you.

Slow, but steady.

I think I am beginning to understand why it took me eleven years to write my first book when the second and third took only 9 months each. It takes a huge amount of time to lay the foundation for a book, especially one that requires research. That, and overcoming new fears. I think I have written about this before on previous blogs, but after seeing how people have loved the Niederbipp Trilogy, I find myself feeling very careful and sensitive to realities that people have an expectation of me and my writing. I don't want to let anyone down. I don't think I will with this next one, but I recognize how careful I have to be. To be honest, I am not sure why anyone writes. I have spoken of this several times in the book clubs I speak to, but when I write, I am bearing part of my soul. These books are my babies, and none of us like to be told we have ugly babies. I worry about how things will be taken and understood and how it will reflect on how I am viewed as a writer. It is kind of like standing naked in the middle of a sports arena, and singing the national anthem. And so, with this in mind, I am moving forward, trying to keep the distractions at bay, and realizing it is rather unlikely that I will complete this book by May as I originally hoped, but it will be this year sometime, and I think you will like it.

I have also been thinking a lot about my work as a potter. It is my first love, working with clay, getting my hands dirty, making stuff that people like. It has been a wonderful life, but more and more, I am feeling a need to write more. I currently have six books that I have outlined, that I think about nearly every day and I find myself wondering how I will ever get them written if I spend all my days making pottery. For the longest time, I believed my calling in life was to be an artist and make the world a more beautiful place, but since writing the Niederbipp Trilogy and witnessing how the written word has the ability to make the world a more beautiful place by inspiring the minds of people to make it so, I find myself facing the reality that maybe there is more than one art form that I need to pursue. It's too bad that life is so short and that my mind is weak and my body tires and needs to rest. I look forward to a time when such silly things will not bog me down and have power over my body.

Mom Gets Kicked Out of Summer Camp

Strange headline, I know, but that's almost exactly what happened. She was not my mom and in actuality, it was not summer camp. She is Lynnette's mom, my mother-in-law and on Thursday we received a call from the Neighborhood House letting us know that after requiring three staff members to assist her in getting out of the bathroom, she is no longer welcome.

Eleven years ago, my mother-in-law as diagnosed with dementia. This is a little bit like that radio program I used to stay up late on Sunday nights and listen to--Doctor Demento, but really there are very few similarities. That was eleven years ago. She is now 70 years old and is in the severe stages of Alzheimer's. My father-in-law is still working a few days a week, so the Neighborhood House recently became the summer camp we needed and began relying on for life to carry on in some semblance of normal. But lately, finding the right balance of medication is proving to be very difficult. She is either very sleepy or very agitated, bordering on aggressive. Sometimes that border is non-existant. What a tragedy. This has got to be the most cruel ways to die--for all who are involved. Lynnette is amazing with her. I find that I normally have to walk away. It is kind of like dealing with a belligerent 180 pound toddler without the ability to reason and still enough muscles to throw her weight around when she gets upset. I know she is without control of this situation, but the thing I really hate about it is that we are, too. We can try different things, but few of them have any effect. I like to fix things--recognize problems and do all I can to try and come up with a remedy. There does not seem to be one here that is acceptable to all involved parties. It is heartbreaking and frustrating and cruel. Our children are already starting to be afraid of her and she has brought both of them to tears with her outbursts. We know this is beyond her control to control herself, but it barely lessens the reality of the sting.

My father-in-law is not interested in assisted living. He wants to keep her out of that for as long as possible, which means as long as he is breathing. And there really isn't money available even if such an option were allowed. Many of those facilities charge upwards of $200/day. That is a good way to go broke fast. So, we try to do what we can. Lynnette has cared for her mom several days in the past few weeks. It makes it difficult to get anything done around the house. I guess my emotions range from sadness to frustration to helplessness. It just seems like we should have a few more good years with her mom--as a mom, than who knows how long with someone who looks like her mom, but really isn’t. Life is never fair, but we are doing our best to keep our chins up and smile and learn what we can, and take one step at a time. Any suggestions?

In the meantime, I am still plowing on with the next book. I had a minor breakthrough this week with the story after a couple of weeks of spinning my wheels without gaining traction. I am feeling a lot of self-imposed pressure. I know those of you who have read my other books have some expectation as well. I hope to be able to make some good progress in the coming week. Wish me luck. I need it.

Happy New Year!

I guess I can still say that, right? I would like to report that writing has been going well, that I have made awesome progress and that I will have the book done next week. But I can't . This has been a difficult book to write. I would think I am about 1oo pages into it. I would be going faster, but I have been distracted by work in the studio and a flaring case of ADD that usually hits me this time of year as I think about shows and pottery and all the crazy things that life is. I have tried to make pottery in the mornings and write in the afternoons, but that has not worked well because just as I am getting into the groove, the kids come home. I have also been working through a series of self-doubts. Nothing serious, just the same old thing where I find myself wondering what in the world I am going to be when I grow up. And maybe it doesn't matter. That is a long way off. I guess I just feel like a slacker, which is really weird because I am working my tail off, staying up late, getting up and to work early, but I can never seem to accomplish all that I need to, no matter how hard I try. I have a hard time sleeping during episodes like this because the crazy dreams come, and so I wake up having not really slept and the madness become deeper. The weather has left me gloomy and the pottery has been a distraction--there is always something.

At this time, I am still hoping to have my next book out in May, though this is subject to change depending on how the next few weeks go. Most days are over before I can turn around and take notice and it is always depressing for me to realize that it takes me a month to write what you can read in an afternoon. Maybe I need to narrow down my distractions. Maybe I need to get some noise canceling headphones. Maybe I need to lock the door to my studio and forget that I just bought two tons of fresh clay that is begging to be turned into something amazing. Maybe I should run away to a cabin somewhere where I can concentrate and stop being distracted by emails and kiln firings and kids making ramen noodles. Maybe I won't be done with the book by May, and if I'm not, maybe I'll have come up with a really original excuse for my lack of accomplishment. Wish me luck. This is going to be a good year, I can feel it.

Cheers to 2012

Last Open House of 2011--This Saturday!

So, I am a bit hesitant to even say anything about this Saturday because the last two Saturdays have been so busy, but many of you have emailed me to ask, and so yes, this Saturday will conclude the open house for the year.

The first Saturday of my sale is traditionally my biggest, but after people toured the house on the 3rd, they must have gone home and told all their friends and then brought them back on the 10th because last Saturday was by far the biggest Studio Sale I have ever had. It is likely we will do this again in the Spring at our Mother's Day open house and I hope there will be even more tile and happiness to share by then.

Last week at this time, I found myself looking forward to a week without any firings after firing my kiln fourteen times in the past three weeks, but alas, I sold so many pots on Saturday that I had to get busy yesterday and make a bunch more. I am not a morning person, but I was in the studio by 7:30 and didn't go to bed until 1:30 am. I got a lot done, so there will be forget-me-not mugs and lots of bowls coming out of the kiln in the next few days. Normally, it takes two weeks to finish a pot from start to finish. This includes making it, letting it dry for several days, bisque firing, glazing and high firing, with appropriate cool downs in between the firings. My new kiln is amazing. It is firing quickly, can, when forced, cool down quickly, and it produces some really fabulous colors. It will be pushing it, but I think I can get two high fires done in the next few days so we can have fresh pots on Saturday.

The Sale and Home Tour will run from 9-5 on Saturday. 1150 East 800 South in Salt Lake City. The pottery sale will continue through December, but Lynnette wants her house back so this will be the last chance to see our cool, new addition in 2011.

Just to let you know--I am writing again on the funeral book and I am very excited. I can't wait to be able to devote more time to it. Cheers, Ben